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Los Angeles, CA

The Fischer Family





Learning to surrender

Melissa Fischer

Adoption is a HUGE commitment. The entire process is filled with decision after decision after decision. You face more questions and uncertainties than you could ever imagine. It’s an unending journey of mental and emotional processing. I was told it would be this way. I knew it would be this way. Even so, nothing could have prepared me for the places this journey would take my heart.

Having given birth twice now, I can tell you that pregnancy, labor and delivery present many many fears and uncertainties. The entire process you are faced with the possibility of complications and fear that something is going to go wrong. You constantly wonder if that twinge or cramp was “normal” or if something is wrong. You are always anxious for the next doctor’s appointment, the chance to hear your baby’s heartbeat or see his/her squirmy body on the ultrasound, to know your little one is perfectly ok nestled inside your tummy. I can honestly say that nothing had ever stretched me to trust the Lord as much as pregnancy did. You are forced to surrender control and just wait. It is hard.

Yet, there are some things that bring peace throughout the pregnancy process. Little shreds of control that allow a sense of confidence and comfort. You get to visit the doctor regularly. You get to hear the doctor tell you that things are “on track”. Some people even purchase their own fetal doppler so that they can listen to their baby’s heartbeat whenever they want to check that the little one inside is still doing well. You know the family medical history and therefore have insight that allows you to take any precautions you may need to. You are able to pick and choose every last thing that goes into your mouth and consequently into your growing baby. You get to make sure you take all of the best vitamins to allow your child to thrive. You get to make sure you’re getting enough rest and exercise. None of these things are guarantees that things will go flawlessly or that your child will be perfectly healthy, but all of these things assist in giving your child the best environment with the most potential to thrive. That is why we do them. We want nothing but the very best for our children.


Kingston snuggling with mama the week before Raena was born.


Adoption takes the word surrender to an entire new level. You can’t control the prenatal care your baby is receiving. You can’t ensure he/she is getting all of the proper nutrients. You don’t know if at any given moment your baby is being exposed to foods, alcohol and/or drugs that could be dangerous to his/her health. You may receive some information, but you also may be left wondering what your child’s genetic predispositions will be or what the biological family’s medical history is. You don’t know if/how any of these things may manifest themselves in your child’s life in the future. You don’t get to make any decisions. You can’t control ANYTHING.

{Literally} All you can do is pray and trust the Lord to protect your little one.

Surrender: give up or hand over (a person, right, or possession), abandon oneself entirely, to give the control or use of (something) to someone else.

This is what I am learning. I thought I had learned it while we were expecting Kingston and Raena, and I did as much so as was required of me during those times. This child requires more.

But I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn to trust my Jesus more. I am thankful for the reminder that none of our children, biological or adopted, are ours. We cannot control what happens to them or what their stories will be. I am thankful for the tangible picture we are living of laying our child down at the altar and allowing God to do His will. I am thankful that all of our babies are HIS. I am thankful that He is in control and I am not. I am thankful that His ways are better and His plans are good. I am thankful that He holds in the palm of His hand the four Fischers that currently live in our home and the one(s) we do not yet know.

I pray that choosing to live with a thankful heart and eyes focused on these truths will allow me to also live in complete peace and confidence of my Lord’s love and care for me and my growing family. When the surrender feels hard or impossible, I pray these things will be at the front of my my and on the tip of my tongue. I pray that every day I will live with my hands open, releasing all of the things that I so often hold too tightly to; control, safety, security, health. Most importantly, I pray that these words would be sincere and saturate my heart completely, that I wouldn’t just say them because I know they are truth but that I would truly believe them.


Let go.


Pray for me, for this lesson I’m learning. Hold me accountable to His truths. Encourage me with any words you believe He may want me to hear from you. I am human, I am weak, I am a sinner. I need grace. I need reminders. I need love.

What lessons are you learning right now? How can I encourage you?