Let the journey 'begin'

Today was a good day. Travis and I got to have a phone call with our adoption consultant. {She is so sweet!} This is the first “official” step in our adoption process! We signed the papers. We have “officially” started the journey to our third born. I use quotation marks because really God began this journey in our hearts many years ago, but now is that time that He has made it clear to us we are to pursue this call. I really can’t believe it!

I continue to be amazed at the peace, excitement and joy the Lord is giving me on this journey that is filled with so many unknowns and so many things out of my control. Granted, we’ve {barely} just begun, so I may be eating my words later. I’m not so sure I will though. I am not naive enough to think that we will go through this process without extreme emotional highs and lows or without bumps in the road. EVERYONE I have ever talked to who has completed an adoption as told me of the emotional strain and the ways the adoption stretched them in ways they didn’t know were possible. I expect that. I expect that the Lord will take us to places that cause us to rely on Him in ways we never have before…

I have been sitting here for several minutes since I wrote that last line, “I expect that the Lord will take us to places that cause us to rely on Him in ways we never have before.” My instincts and heart told me to follow that statement with “I want that.” Yet, as I went to write it, I paused. Do I really “want” that? I can’t just say I want that. Not in a process like this. Because the truth is, those places, the places that would cause us to rely on Him in ways we never have before, those places would be intense and scary and hard. So, now I sit here considering. Do I want that? Like REALLY want that? Do I want to be stretched, challenged, broken and remade? Those things are hard. Those things are painful.

But, I think when I look beyond myself and what feels “good” and feels “safe” here and now, the answer is easy, and the answer is yes. I want that.

I want that because I want to know my God more intimately. I want Him to reveal new and deeper levels of His character to me. I want Him to draw me to my knees in utter awe of Him.  I want to experience the depth of His love and care for me. I want to place my complete hope and trust in Him. I want to see His sovereign will manifest itself in my life. I want to share the testimony of His faithfulness and steadfastness.

I want that because He is WORTHY. He is worthy of my trust. He is worthy of my faithfulness. He is worthy of my obedience. He is worth of my praise. He is worthy of my life.

So, I continue on in this journey. I am wait in anticipation to see where God will take us on this journey, who our third baby will be, how it will all unfold, when he/she will join our family, and how God will use our story it for His glory.

Today I feel peaceful; I feel excited; I feel joyful. Tomorrow I may have a whole new wave of emotions. Fear. Doubt. Worry. My prayer is this, WHEN those other emotions come, that I remember HE is worthy, HE is in control, HE is good and HE loves me. When I take time to remember those things and open my heart to them, I know the peace and excitement and joy that I feel today will have the freedom to return to me because my God already has them there waiting for me.