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Los Angeles, CA

The Fischer Family






Melissa Fischer

Since both announcing that we are adopting and announcing that we have been matched with a birth mom, we have received many questions. We thought it would be a good idea to take some time answer some of them. We hope that these FAQs will be insightful for any of you who may have been wondering about some of these details.

1. What is the baby’s sex? We will be having a gender reveal for our baby sometime in the next few weeks, so keep an eye out for our announcement! :)

2. What is the due date of the baby? As you all know, all due dates are estimates. We are expecting our baby to arrive sometime mid December {although we will be preparing ourselves to be ready sooner incase labor happens early}.

3. Where is the baby? You may have seen this answer from our birth state reveal post, but our little angel will be born in Florida.

4. Is this adoption a for sure/guaranteed thing? As with all adoptions, nothing is guaranteed until it is finalized in court. At this point in our process we are as sure as we can be that this adoption will happen. We are also aware that there is always a chance that things may not pan out the way we anticipate them to. We wholeheartedly believe that God has led us to this place and because of that we are choosing to leap completely and fully into loving, anticipating and being excited for this baby. We are choosing to set aside the fear of the “what ifs” and move forward joyfully planning for our third babe to join our family come December. We are trusting in God’s plan for our family, and know that nothing will stand in the way of Him accomplishing His will for us.

5. Can the birth parents change their minds? Each state has its own adoption laws and revocation periods. These laws specify at what point after delivery a birth mom can sign adoption papers and what {if any} amount of time she has to change her mind. In the state of Florida, a birth mother has to wait until she is cleared to be discharged from the hospital after delivery of the baby before she can sign the adoption papers. Once the papers are signed, they are irrevocable.

6. Who gets to name the baby? Legally the birth mother will fill out the birth certificate in the hospital, and therefore, she has the right to write any name she wants to name the child. Once the adoption is finalized, the court issues a new birth certificate listing the adoptive parents as the child’s legal parents, and at that time, the adoptive parents are able to change the baby’s name if they want to. In most cases of planned adoptions, the birth mother will write the name the adoptive parents choose on the birth certificate from the start.

7. Will your adoption be open/will you have contact with the birth mom? We hope to continue to have a relationship our birth mom. We have said from the beginning that a relationship with her is very important to us. We believe having openness and communication is beneficial for all three parties involved: the child, the birth mom, and us.

8. How old is your birth mom? Is she married? Is this her first child? And all other personal questions about our birth mom. Please understand that our birth mom is making the hardest and most selfless decision to place her child for adoption. The strength + courage this decision takes is something that we cannot even fathom. It is a very deep and intimate situation, one that even we feel we don’t deserve to be a part of. The details of her life and this pregnancy are sacred and personal. It is our job to protect both our birth mom and this baby, and therefore, we will not be sharing any information about her with the public. 

While we have chosen to be open and transparent about this process from our perspective in order to give you all a first hand look at the adoption process, our birth mom and baby did not choose to start this blog. The details of their stories and their feelings are not ours to share. We know that many of the questions about our birth mom stem from genuine care and curiosity, and we are appreciative of your investment in our journey. All we can tell you is that she is amazing and strong and kind and so sweet. We have loved every minute we have gotten to spend getting to know her over the last month, and are so blessed that God has brought her into our lives. We could not be more grateful.

9. Why aren’t you adopting internationally? Long ago when adoption was first placed on our hearts, we assumed that when the time came we would pursue an international adoption. However, when God started directing us that now was the time to adopt, He also placed domestic adoption on our hearts. We share more about that part of our journey on our Why Domestic page. Please visit that page if you would like more details.

10. Why not have more kids biologically / why adopt now? Adoption has always been a passion of ours. We think it paints the most beautiful picture of God’s love for us. We believe that love and family stretch far beyond biological ties and have always wanted to give that love and family to a child that needs it. Please visit our Why Adoption page to read more about why we are choosing to expand our family through adoption and our Why Now page for more details about God directing us to pursue this route now after having two children biologically.

11. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to have another child biologically? Honestly, yes. When you have a child biologically, insurance pays for most of your expenses during pregnancy and delivery. When you adopt a child, there are several expenses that you do not have to pay for when having a child biologically. While it may make more “financial sense” to expand our family with a biological child, when you receive a clear calling on your life, ease, convenience and affordability become secondary factors. We are learning through this process that God likes to use things that don’t make a lot of sense to stretch and grow us. We wrote a post a few months ago explaining the costs involved with adoption. If you are interested in knowing why it costs so much, please read Adoption and Finances.

12. Why would you choose to spend $35,000 this way rather than for a downpayment on a house? This question has so many layers. Honestly, when we started this journey, we considered that question ourselves. We would LOVE to own our own home. We would LOVE to have more bedrooms and more space to spread out. In our culture, many {including us at times} would look at our living situation and think we do not have enough space to live as a family of five and comfortably enjoy life. But we have learned, through much pruning and letting go of our personal desires for bigger and better, that God calls us to so much more than what is most “comfortable”, “convenient”, and “fun”. Yes, we live in a two bedroom apartment. No, we do not have our own yard. But our cozy little home is full of happiness and love. We have been blessed with so much more than most people in the world will ever have. It is our honor to “sacrifice” some of our space and comfort to give love and a home to a child that needs it. Plus we can always walk to the park ;)

13. Why would you say yes to adopting a baby when you did not have all of the finances available? This question in particular has been a struggle and process for us. When we first started discussing adoption over a year ago, we thought that we would not be able to start pursuing it for a couple of years due to finances. However, we just could not escape the nudging that God wanted us to move forward in the process anyway. We share a little bit about that journey on our Adoption: why now page. Long story short, we felt the Lord telling us we needed to take some intentional steps forward to begin this process, and He did some crazy things to confirm that it indeed was what He wanted of us immediately after we said “ok.” This entire journey has been steps just like that.

When our home study was completed in June of this year and we knew that legally we could pursue getting a baby right away, we chose to put ourselves on hold because the finances were not there yet. We received many cases throughout the summer of birth moms who wanted to place their babies. Many of those birth moms were looking for families specifically like ours. But we continued to let cases go by all summer long because we simply did not have the money. It was very hard to keep watching case after case pass us with no real idea of when we would be able to say "yes" to one of them. But finances seemed to be an “easy” and “clear-cut” line to draw. I would even go as far to say that we were just unwilling to put ourselves in that vulnerable of a position. We wanted to be in control and know that we could handle the finances on our own. However, at the end of the summer, God used a situation that was presented to us to shake us to our cores. This situation immediately captured our hearts. It was a situation we longed to be a part of, and a story we longed to help bring redemption to. We prayed about it, and we just could not escape the way this situation was gripping our hearts. We knew that God was calling us to take a step forward and present our profile despite not having the finances. It was scary to put ourselves in that position, but we just knew that if this was the baby God intended for our family, He would work it out. That situation did not end up working out for us, but shortly after we were presented with our birth mom’s situation. We truly believe that God used the first situation to move our hearts to a place where we were willing to step forward without having all of the finances lined up. Had He not moved in our hearts so deeply and clearly in that first situation, I think we may have been too closed off, because of fear and need for control in the finances department, to be willing to say yes to presenting to any birth moms at all for several more months.

Was it hard to take a step forward without finances to back us up? Absolutely! Were we scared and nervous that we would end up in a situation where we had a baby waiting and we were unable to write the check? Definitely. We still have moments where we experience those feelings. Did our decision to step out in faith and obedience to where we felt God was calling us go against our fleshly need for security and control? You have no idea!

BUT, all along God was moving and directing us to get us to THIS birth mom and THIS baby. He had a plan and He put all of the pieces in place. He moved our hearts to a place where we were willing to say “yes” to this birth mom so that she could say “yes” to us. We cannot deny His sovereign intervention and leading in our story. Therefore, we will continue to trust Him to provide what we need to complete His plan for our family. We have already experienced such a gracious outpouring of His love and provision through so many of you, and we know God already has a plan to get us the rest of the way.

Please feel free to send us any other questions you may have. It is our hope to be completely transparent about our adoption journey and for others to learn about the adoption process through us. We will do our best to answer your questions, and if it is a question we cannot answer we will let you know that as well. :) You can send us a message by clicking the envelope icon on the top right corner of your browser.